Cleaning Out My Closet
by Eli
Summary: The epilogue to "My Life For Yours"


Title: Cleaning Out My Closet  
  
Author: The lyrical Eli  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summery: A glimpse of the future that takes place after "My Life For Yours"  
  
Feedback: Please! Lots!  
  
Note: The song "Cleaning Out My Closet" is by Eminem on The Eminem Show  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own anything.  
  
  
  
-November 11, 2011-  
  
The ceremony was small, quiet. Not one of the famously glamorous events she had been used to in life. The coffin was black in lined with gold. The gravestone was handcrafted and ironically shaped into an angel. Why Meredith would have wanted an angel is beyond me, and I was her flesh and blood. Her only flesh and blood.  
  
And I was the one who killed her.  
  
~I'm sorry mama  
  
I never meant to hurt you  
  
I never meant to make you cry  
  
But tonight I'm cleaning out my closet~  
  
But not with a katana or a gun or anything by physical means. I killed her by leaving. By walking away and not looking back. I left her to rot in her own personal hell while heaven greeted me warmly.  
  
We are still together now, the wielder and I. It always sounded well together, wielder and protector. Husband and wife. Now, mother and father.  
  
It amazes me what innocence and love can be created from a union, though it be one of love, which is sadistic and primal. How do long nights create such a precious child. A beautiful girl gratefully named for her ghost of an aunt. Danielle Nottingham. Quite an elegant name.  
  
~Now, I would never diss my own mama to get recognition  
  
Take a second to listen for you think this record is dissin'  
  
But put yourself in my position, just try to envision  
  
Witnessin' your mama prescription pills in the kitchen  
  
Bitchin', that someone is always going through and shits missin'  
  
Going through public housing systems victim of Munchausen's syndrome  
  
My whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't  
  
Till I grew up, now I blew up, it makes you  
  
Sick to ya stomach doesn't it~  
  
The body is cold, pale. Her ice blue eyes closed forever. After years of battling, I finally won. I was the one remained standing. Now that I am truly free of her, I observe her final moment with the light. He doesn't understand why I wanted to come. Neither do I.  
  
She made my life hell. Discarded me when she learned I couldn't be what she wanted me to be. She often left me bound and broken on the floor. Sacrificed me as a lion as she pushed me over the edge and barely noticed when I crawled back up.  
  
And when I found light in the darkness, she tried to shoot it out. To take my love for herself, but he didn't want her. Wanted me just as much as I wanted him, if not more. And when he took me from it all, she screamed in pain and vowed to give us chaos, which she did.  
  
And it was never just us. Vicki, Gabriel, Hector, all his friends were hurt at one point. And our daughter. Our sweet, innocent baby girl who will never have to lift the blade was almost taken away several times by her command. She is barely ten and she has already faced enough thrills and chills that would fill five lifetimes.  
  
She tried to take it all away from me.  
  
~Wasn't it the reason you made that CD for me, Ma?  
  
So you could try to justify the way you treated me, Ma?  
  
But guess what yer getting' older now and its cold when your lonely  
  
And Nathan's growing up so quick, he's gonna know that your phony  
  
And Hallie's getting so big now, you see her she's beautiful  
  
But you'll never see her; she won't even be at your funeral  
  
See what hurts me the most is you won't admit you was wrong  
  
Bitch, do ya song, keep tellin' yourself that you was a mom  
  
But how dare you try to take what you didn't help get  
  
You selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin' burn in hell for this shit  
  
Remember when Ronnie died and you said you'd wish it was me?  
  
Well guess what, I am dead, dead to you as can be~  
  
  
  
She never believed what she did was wrong. She never begged for forgiveness or asked for pentence. In her mind, she was the ideal mother. In reality, that was the opposite of the truth.  
  
She tried to play mother again when she learned I was pregnant. The snake used words of sugar to try to regain my trust, so that she could steal my child. When I gave birth to a girl, she screamed out in anger. A girl could never control the witchblade. All the planning and lying was for nothing.  
  
I often wondered on how she still believed she was my mother, but never gave me the right to call her that. Did she ever want me to, pass the event in which I failed her? Did she ever long to hold me till I fell asleep. Or to fix my hair when it went unruly? I look at Danielle and feel the longings. But I actually complete them. Did she deny herself this comfort? Also, would she want Danielle to call her grandmother? She did nothing to her, yet she hated Danielle furiously.  
  
Danielle, who bares hazel eyes and dark chestnut hair. She never wanted to know her grandmother. Inside, I think she understands what happened between us. Till death, she avoided her grandmother. She didn't have a grandmother and that was what she believed.  
  
That is also what her soon to be brother will believe. But that is a surprise. No one knows yet, not even my love, but he is starting to suspect something. The witchblade sent me dreams of the birth, and our little boy. Perhaps we can name him Mario, to honor the memory of another one of his passed on friends.  
  
I have everything I could ever want. And I got it on my own. That was why she tried to take it away. Because I didn't need her anymore. And without need, there is no hope.  
  
~I'm sorry mama  
  
I never meant to hurt you  
  
I never meant to make you cry  
  
But tonight I'm cleaning out my closet~  
  
I wished things could have been better. That we didn't need to hate each other. That she could have enjoyed the laughs of her grandchildren. But it was her choice and her lost. I can only move on.  
  
My love wraps his arm around me as it ends. I give her grave one last look before we leave. I sigh. She is gone. And now I go forth.  
  
Good-bye, Mother. Your darkness awaits you.  
  
~I'm sorry Mama  
  
I never meant to hurt you  
  
I never meant to make you cry  
  
But tonight I cleaning out my closet~ 


End file.
